*Note: These are general statements about Narcissists based on research through accredited, established organizations like Psychology Today and personal experiences. Please see a licensed professional counselor or other mental health licensed professional if you think you are the victim of a Narcissist's manipulative ways or if you identify yourself as possibly being a Narcissist. *
The Emotional Wellness series on Narcissists is a general overview on identifying narcissists in your life (part 1) and how you can take back control (part 2). A person can date, be married to, courting, be friends with, co-workers, acquaintances, or even be the sibling or child of a narcissist. Narcissists can be highly charming, extremely successful and they pride themselves on controlling their “public façade”. This “outward face” is very important to them and when their reputation is threatened, especially by their victims, they can become very angry, possibly even violent towards them. They will usually spread lies about their victims to other people to gain a posse or "backing" so that they can join in on subtle or overt displays of abuse, depending on the situation.
There are many identifiable traits to narcissists, but the main one is lying. Narcissists lie and distort the truth all the time. They don't even think they are doing it. They are oblivious to their own lies and behaviors. Lies roll off of their tongue effortlessly and easily. They will usually engage in double-talk to confuse their victim or bring up unrelated topics to paint their victim in a bad light to take the focus off of them. They are very good at this. They are very crafty. Narcissists usually have a hard time keeping deep, meaningful relationships with people (friends, certain family members, co-workers, even service people like hairdressers). They’ll often demean or slander the person or people they’ve fallen out with using words or phrases like “they’re stupid”, "selfish" ,“dumb” or tell stories mixed with lies about that person to others on why the relationship ended, without mentioning their part in the dissolution of the relationship or friendship.
They may “claim” to have friends, but really they have surface-acquaintanceships with people that don’t go any deeper. The narcissist knows the importance of having an appearance of “friends” to others, especially their victims, but deep down those “friends” are part of the “outward face” con.
Being in a relationship with a narcisst is a cycle of mental control, lies, manipulation, emotional abuse/abandonment and torment. The narcissist will never change because they don't see anything wrong. Deep down they know what they are doing, which is why they work so hard to protect their "public face" and reputation. But they don't care enough to change for their victims. Instead they will either continue to attack or withdraw. Your best bet is to permanently rid yourself of the relationshiporcontinue suffering more abuse. Those are your only 2 options.
Often times narcissists were abused themselves, often times by a parent, and they take on some of the same ways of their abusers to other people or to people they feel are subordinates like a younger sibling, their own children, or a spouse. This learned behavior is a way for them to gain control as to avoid being abused again. Even if the narcissists think they are positive and loving and have overcome their abuse, the fact that they are narcissists towards others is an indicator that they are still controlled and deeply affected by the abuse they once endured.
Very dangerous because the child that was the "favorite" can become the target/object/victim of the rejected-abused child (future narcissist) even into adulthood
Seek help if you are in a relationship with a narcissist from a Licensed Professional Counselor or some other mental health professional. Narcissists are very crafty and will try to paint you as if you're "crazy" when in fact they are the ones that are sociopaths, narcopaths (emotional terrorists) and deceptive.
For more information on Narcissistic Personality Disorder visit Psychology Today
The 2nd Part to this series will post next Week: How You can Take Back Your Life from a Narcissist.
Be Healthy. Be Well.
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